Shark for Arseholes

Last Tuesday night, I was watching a documentary called Sharkwater. It's a visually stunning film about sharks.

I stepped out on the front porch to drop something in the recycling box. A large mid 90's car was parked at the curb in front of my house. A large man sat motionless behind the wheel, but was largely cast in shadow so I couldn't see details. On a family street this large, not a very common sight.

I went inside and watched more sharks.

Before bed, about an hour or so later, I looked out at the street. The man was still sitting in his car. I double checked the locks and flicked on the porch light.

Upstairs, I made sure my oldschool Cop mag light was right beside the bed in case I needed to use it.

The next morning, I found a used tube of Preparation H on the lawn. I picked it up and examined it. It was perfectly flat, like every ml had been squeezed out. I turned the tube and noticed the ingredients listed there. Bio-Dyne 1.0%, Shark Liver Oil 3.0%---

Shark liver oil? WTF? I know a lot about sharks now. But I didn't learn that Prep H is shark.

I went inside to Google and found that people have been putting shark liver oil up their arses for centuries as a folk remedy. Around 1926, a company called American Home Products must have talked to fishermen and discovered what they used to relieve their hemorrhoids.

I have never found Preparation H on my lawn before, or even seen it discarded on the sidewalk. And the shark coincidence is really uncanny. Was I in my house, watching a film about sharks--a warning call really about their potentially fragile future on our planet--while somebody parked just outside was squeezing shark liver oil up their arse?