Easter Buffet: Health Hazzard or Right of Birth?

Draped below the town sign was a vinyl banner advertising the Cheapest Easter Buffet in the county. I thought what the hell, as I took note of the restaurant's name, why don't I treat my entire family this Easter.

My 10 member family dined for $61.75. The adults fared well, but their digestive tracts have hardened from years of grazing by heat lamp. My Uncle ate 14 egg rolls, and other than a flare up of angina, he was fine. My brother Wally did complain of some scrotal discomfort, but that was likely unrelated to the baskets of breaded cheese dippers he consumed.

Sadly, it was the children who suffered for my well intended Easter thrift.

They are smiling in these pictures--the other effects had not yet manifested--but please remember, kids are the most susceptible at a small town econo buffet. My sweet little cousins broke out in hives within an hour of ingesting their chili-potato mini-sticks. Kids, especially in this "Purell" generation, are sitting ducks in the germy universe of discount holiday buffet. They did recover, but Easter for them was shattered by violent diarrhea and the cold sweat of processed food fever.

Parents, please take heed: Bypass the buffet and turn on a stove. Don't let laziness, ignorance and unbearable cheapness outweigh the health of your tender offspring.