"If I had your particular problem, I would just call my "Friend" and make the trouble go away. You know, go away, peremente like."
They thought I was joking.
This was in response to dilemmas like:
Cheating husband, cheating wife, bad neighbor, unfair boss, step father, step mother, mother in law, junkie brother, deadbeat dad, father in law, junkie nephew, public school bully, neighborhood drug dealer, every ugly teenager at the local high school, neighborhood pimp, bulligerent co-worker, irritating co-worker, surly waitress at my breakfast local, boss of my company, any asshole in a souped up Japanese car with deafening bass, anyone who doesn't pick up their dog shit, the ex-girlfriend who posted my nude photos on the internet...etc...etc...etc.
Well, tonight, I am ready to put some money where my mouth has been:
After talking to my Dark Knight of Justice, and agreeing upon an acceptable fee, I have licenced his photo to share with you.
When we were kids, we both wanted to become astronauts, and if that failed, firemen, and if that failed, school teachers. And, if that failed, car salesmen. But fortunately for me, my "Friend" found a profession befitting his natural born ruthlessness.
To those who thought I was talking fairy tales, to those who thought my threats were fantasy, who doubted that I could ever bring a hit down on them like nuclear shit drizzle, well, just look at this photo. Stare at it. Study it. And feel the fear like you should.
Tonight, you see the image of the man who--if you ever, ever wrong me--might be the last man you ever see.
Keep testing me and you could even meet him. If I make one simple text, or, even worse for you, a skype....
Yea, I could skype you dead, just like that.
But first, have a look at my little friend:
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