If Dahmer became a film director

If Jeffry Dahmer had turned his considerable imagination and fantasy life towards making films, this is the film I could see him directing. I have just read about it myself, but now must track a copy down. It's a Dutch film called, "The Human Centipede." Here is a synopsis:

"The film begins with the antagonist, Dr. Heiter, kidnapping a truck driver by the side of a road. Later, two US tourists, Lindsay and Jenny, arrive at Heiter's house as they search for help after getting a flat tire. Heiter quickly drugs the women, when they awake they find themselves beside the kidnapped trucker in a makeshift hospital ward in the doctor's basement. Heiter informs the trucker that he is not a match for the women and kills him. When the women next wake, the trucker has been replaced by a new captive, Japanese tourist Katsuro.

The doctor explains to his captives that he is a world-renowned expert at separating conjoined twins, but dreams of making new creatures that share a single digestive system by joining separate individuals via their mouths and anuses. He explains that his previous experiment, a creature made of three dogs, died. However, he explains how he will attach the three human subjects to each other to form what he refers to as a human centipede. The doctor then explains in great detail to his captives exactly how he will go about surgically connecting them. Once the surgery is complete, the doctor begins training his centipede to perform tasks. Katsuro, as the front part of the centipede, refuses to do as he is told, and the doctor beats him. When Katsuro defecates, Lindsay is forced to swallow his excrement and the doctor watches with great delight. However, Heiter eventually becomes irritated after being kept awake by the constant screaming of his victims and realizing that Jenny is dying from blood poisoning.

Two police detectives, Kranz and Voller, visit Heiter to investigate the disappearance of tourists in the area. After the detectives leave, Heiter informs his captives that Jenny will soon be replaced by two new parts. Katsuro stabs him with a scalpel and fails an attempt to rip out Heiter's jugular vein with his teeth, and the centipede attempts to escape as Heiter crawls after the trio. Katsuro faces the doctor with a piece of broken glass in his hand and says that he deserved to become an insect because he treated his family poorly. He then kills himself with the glass. At this point, the police officers break into the house, and Heiter crawls away to hide in the room with his swimming pool. Kranz is shocked as he discovers Heiter's victims and soon finds Voller dead in the swimming pool near an armed Dr. Heiter. Heiter and Kranz shoot and kill each other. Jenny finally dies from her blood poisoning, leaving Lindsay alone in the house, trapped between her deceased fellow captives."

Humidex...Bullshit?

Hell...

The beginning of July in 2010 is hot, at least here in Toronto. Tit sweat in seconds hot. Ambulance calls for heatstroke hot. Official Public heat alert hot. Heat rash, melanoma tempting, dripping death stroke hot!

Birmingham was 22. So was Mexico City. Yes, Glasgow was 20. Moscow was 28. Paris, to be fair, was 30. So was Rangoon. Mumbai, 27. Rome, a toasty 31. Cairo was as hot as we were today. LA was a cool 24. But matching our heat was Dallas, Miami and New York. Cancun and Tegucigalpa were slightly cooler.

But why do we make suck a fuss of heat? Because we make such a fuss of cold. None of the places I just named get as cold as us. We get so hot, yet we get so cold.

Do any of these global measurements have a humidex value ???

If not, they should.

What is humidex anyway? I have no idea...

It seems that:

"The humidex is a number used by Canadian meteorologists to reflect the combined effect of heat and humidity. It differs from the heat index used in the United States in using dew point rather than relative humidity. According to the Meteorological Service of Canada, a humidex of at least 30 causes "some discomfort", at least 40 causes "great discomfort" and above 45 is "dangerous." When the humidex hits 54, heat stroke is imminent.

The current formula for determining the humidex was developed by J.M. Masterton and F.A. Richardson of Canada's Atmospheric Environment Service in 1979. The term is widely used in Canada during the summer months in weather reports.

The record humidex in Canada occurred on July 25, 2007, when Carman, Manitoba hit 53.0.^[1] This breaks the previous record of 52.1 set in 1953 in Windsor, Ontario (The residents of Windsor would not have known this at the time, since the humidex had yet to be invented)."

Does no other country use the humidex? It really seems like an exclusive Canadian invention.

And, does this count make us overall more or less uncomfortable than everyone else on the planet?

Is humidex our exclusive, little indulgence, or is there a greater world scale of humidity that measures suffering from the heat?

It seems to me, we are the only maschocists in the world who sweat under a humidex reading.

India and Thailand have never measured their heat with a humidex factor and it felt more humid to me than Toronto ever has. Including tonight, during our 2010 summer heatwave.

Part of me is sick of chasing the humidex. I want mean temp, a single temperature by which to abide and forego the "feels like" factor.

Damn the humidex to hell.

The Freakiest of Serial Killers?

I am watching a documentary on Youtube about serial killers. And Jeffrey Dahmer is proving to me the most disturbing of the entire lot of psychopathic mass murderers.

I sat through Albert Fish, Ed Gein, Andrei Chikatilo, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacey. All incredibly sick and demented. Their victims are many, their minds twisted beyond all reckoning. The details of their crimes are well enough known. And freaky.

But, to me, Jeffrey Dahmer is the most diabolically insane serial killer of our times.

BECAUSE, "His original intention was to create a set of zombies, living zombies with which he could have sex. So he actually did lobotomies, frontal lobotomies on his victims and poured acid into their skulls. When every one of his victims died, he went to his back up plan, and started to strangle victims under sedation."

WOW! When did he become a cannibal in all this? According to an interview with Dahmer himself, he just wanted his victims around him. If they died before reaching zombification, then eating these poor people would make them part of him forever, and ever and ever and ever...

This is so sick and shocking, I now don't trust my neighbors' kids. In Dahmer's case, neighbors remember him nailing frogs to trees and skinning cats. OKAY, that's totally normal. Did no one find this animal torture suspicious? After he was discovered as having killed and eaten many people, did his childhood neighbours finally put mutilated Frog and Cat together?

I bow down to time. I am sure it was harder to spot budding serial killers in the 70's, when I was also a kid, AND not killing and mutilating small animals. And not imagining a lobotomized army of victims as sex slaves in my future.

He wanted live in zombie sex slaves!

Psychopathic killers come in all forms. Some are forming right now, possibly inside some child in your neighborhood. One of the kids in your daughter's grade two class, on the local little league team, or selling chocolate bars door to door. Or even, much closer, like the little one in the middle room upstairs you call Jacob, or Michael, or Ethan or Andrew.

Mel Gibson is a Twat

Enough of Mel Gibson.

He's an extremist Catholic, rabid racist, Holocaust denying waste of skin.

His only good work was in Gallipoli, Mad Max and The Road Warrior (and his voice was over-dubbed in the American version).

He looks like a background player from a low budget zombie flick. I think your face came to look like the desert floor becasue outside always reflects inside, and you are very hateful and barren in there.


He should just go to his island, with his 55 kids and become Dr. Moreau.

Enough of Mel Gibson.

PS: It really must have sucked to work with a "Ni**er" on the 4 Lethal Weapon movies.

I have one parting wish for you, Mel. That, someday, circumstances allow you to be "gang raped by a bunch of Ni**ers." And when they are totally finished, that they hand you over to the Jews.

Bear trap for criminal dicks.

It took a woman named Sonnet to invent a potentially rape deterring device called the Rape-aXe.

It is sad that women are forced to take such creative and delightfully pain inducing measures to avoid being attacked by men. But, medical technician Sonnet Ehlers lives in South Africa, a country plagued by rape. Apparently inspired by a patient who told her "If only I had teeth down there," Sonnet got busy and provided women with the option of having teeth down there. Teeth that would sink nicely into the soft dick tissue of a rapist scumbag.

And, if it can't deter the rape, it will give the rapist a painful surprise on the very first thrust.

The technology is literally a female latex condom embedded with "teeth", inward facing spikes--like freshwater fish teeth--that can be inserted into the vagina like a tampon.

If a penis goes in, it is pierced by the barbs. And thanks to physics, the withdrawl is extremely painful. This could allow the women to escape while the rapist crumples on the floor, shrieking in agony and trying to tear the device from his wounded prick. Which will only make matters worse.

The Rape-aXe stays dug into the criminal's shaft like eagle talons, and can only be removed surgically.

WOW! I love it!

"Well doctor, my wife had a new box of Rape-aXe stored near the shower stall. I slipped on some soap, inadvertently penetrating the damn box and somehow ending up with one of these things perfectly embedded on my cock. My wife, well, she's away on business. But I called her and though she's concerned, we did find the humour in it. Her name is...Ssssa...andra. No, I have no criminal record. I work for the post office. Listen, could we just keep this between us, you know, man to man? It's such an embarrassing incident, I'd hate the cops to have to get involved and embarrass my wife. Will the removal hurt? Oh, it will. Will it hurt a lot? Okay. Will I bleed? Oh, I will bleed. Oh, that's not good. Doc, can I lie down for a second, I feel faint."

Coke Captured.

Jamaican drug lord, gunrunner and ugly transvestite Christopher Coke was captured yesterday in Kingston. He immediately agreed to be extradited to the US and face the wrath of American Justice in NYC.

Jail in Jamaica must be terrifying, making Attica look like an Avon home party.

25 Best Horror movies ever.

I can't rank them. But here is a list of the horror movies that have burned themselves into my consciousness.


Psycho
Halloween
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Vanishing (Dutch original)
The Exorcist
The Shining
Friday the 13th
The Fly
The Evil Dead
Carrie
Videodrome
Dawn of the Dead
Let The Right One In
Inside
The Omen
Jaws
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Frankenstein (original)
The Wolfman (original)
Near Dark
Salem's Lot (Tobe Hooper's TV Movie)
The Changeling
Rosemary's Baby
Hellraiser
Silence of the Lambs